AmazonAmazon Dash just turned two years old over the weekend, and the program shows no signs of slowing down. If you are an Amazon Prime member, a simple click of a Dash button will ensure you never run low on any of your household essentials — from toilet paper to laundry detergent, macaroni and cheese to beef jerky.
But Amazon also offers Dash buttons for a number of absolutely inexplicable products. Take a look at some of the worst offenders:
If you're plowing through 36-count boxes of Airheads so fast that an Amazon Dash Button is something that makes sense for you, it might be time to reassess your diet.
If your mom is visiting your house, is it more embarrassing for her to find your stash of condoms, or for her to find out that you purchased a Dash button to make sure your supply never runs low?
This button is only for individuals who buy their Doritos in packs of 64 and 104 bags. Yes, really.
Amazon Gift Cards
You've gotta give Amazon credit for cutting to the chase with this button. All it does when you press it is give Amazon your money. It's genius, really.
Ping Pong Balls
This Dash button for Joola ping pong balls is perfect for the seemingly endless number of Americans who not only have a table tennis setup in their homes, but also volley so ferociously that they constantly destroy their balls and need to be resupplied regularly.
Kraft Mac & Cheese
According to Amazon, this button is (inexplicably) out of stock. Apparently, there were so many people out there who needed one-click access to 35-packs of Kraft that Amazon was unable to keep up with the demand. To be honest, looking at this button makes me a little nauseous.
It's a testament to Amazon's consumer research division that they have identified the two most lucrative demographics in America: individuals who don't know that NERF darts are reusable and individuals who are just too lazy to pick up the darts that fall behind their beds.
You know all those times as a kid when you were playing with Play-Doh and found yourself thinking "I sure wish I could press a button and have a 36-Can Mega Pack delivered right to my door"? Well, rest easy. Amazon has answered your prayers.
Morning Sickness Medication
I didn't PhotoShop this. Amazon really has a Dash button for a candy that claims to be "infused with nausea-relieving essential oils of sour raspberry, green apple, sour tangerine and sour lemon."
Look, I'm not one to judge. But if I went to a friend's house and saw that he had a dedicated button whose sole purpose was to restock his supply of Slim Jim Freakin' Hot Jalapeño Snack Sticks, I'd probably stage an intervention.
According to the Philips Sonicare website, their toothbrush heads only need to be replaced every three months or so, making this button more useless than so many others out there.
Did I only include this dash button because my last name is the same as this product's name? Possibly. Should you be consuming so much protein powder that you need to be able to order more at a moment's notice? Probably not.
Stacy's Pita Chips
I can't even argue with this one. Stacy's Pita Chips are amazing.